My Walk on the (not so)Wild Side

I feel the need to lighten the mood. The events of the last week have affected in solidarity with the LGBT community…let me share some stories.

I was a single mother with my oldest daughter. My ex-husband left when she was four weeks old. That is another story for another time. Anyway, this left me not so fond of the male species for a period of time (imagine!) as I struggled to go to college and raise my daughter alone.

My parents, being the..ummm…interesting…people they were…would occasionally ask/force me to go out to dinner with them. On such occasions I would ask/force my best friend to go with me (just as she forced me with her own family). My parents soon became “concerned” about our friendship. Sigh. So…just to drive my insane parents even crazier, my best friend and I would sit even closer together, touching each other when talking…just to watch my mother’s eyes bug out. It was freaking awesome. Once at one of these dinners, my mom suggested to me that I marry a plastic surgeon so he could do all the necessary work on me…for free… so…. Good old mom. Always there with an encouraging word.

Once my friend and I took my daughter on a mini vacation to a cabin on the beach. My parents caught wind of this…and drove up and down some small towns on Lake Michigan looking for my car. My daughter spotted their motor home in the parking lot of the cabins we were staying in and started yelling. My parents walked over to us..they were just in the neighborhood….three hours away from home…and asked to see our cabin. My daughter took them on a tour. My mom asked where she was sleeping. Then she asked where my friend was sleeping and where I was. Once it was clear that my friend and I weren’t sharing the same bed, my parents promptly left. I am not kidding. Jesus.

Time moves forward…I go through chemo…and my hair starts to grow back. It’s a very short stubble. My best friend–the same one–wants to go to a Melissa Etheridge concert. I also love Melissa, but I also know her audience. I’ve been to several of her concerts. We are walking together through the concert and there are all sorts of stands set up with  LGBT info/groups etc handing out info. The people running them assume that my friend and I are a couple… I assume it’s my hair. And the fact that my asshole friend is letting them think that. She has a grand time laughing at me as I do my best to walk in my best “I’m not gay” gait ever. Which made me just look like I had to use the bathroom. Awesome.

Anyway. I hope that this made some of you smile just a little bit.

Peace people.



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