Still Winning (or, The Blob,part 2)

There has been a lot of activity here… last week I had a friend use my camera to take a photo of me to use for my headshot. I needed one for my stand up comedy promotions. I really really really hate getting my picture taken. Really.

We went outside, it was freaking cold, as it is December in Michigan, and the wind was blowing. Awesome. My eyes began tearing immediately, my nose running, my hair flying all over, so I looked like Medusa with a severe sinus infection.

Out of the thirty or so photos she shot, I narrowed it down to one. As I looked at it, I became once again aware of these goddamn wrinkles under my eyes.


I am (vaguely) aware that I am getting a bit older. But (son of a bitch) when did all of these assholes decide to move in and put up freaking condos on my face???

So I did what any other slightly hysterical, not willing to admit she was aging, woman would do.

I went to the store and bought some fairly expensive wrinkle shit and slathered it on. All over my face, my eye area and my neck.

I awoke this morning to discover that it had worked…especially well on my neck. A small miracle.

Please prepare yourselves for some heavy sarcasm.

I looked in the mirror this morning and nearly screamed. My neck now looks like a goddamn turkey’s. It is red and blotchy. Apparently they were serious when they suggested that I test that cream on a small area. I thought they were just erring on the side of caution, and I was in a wrinkle panic.

It looks like I am slowly being strangled by a red blob…which is threatening to take over my face.

Mighty damn sexy.

The good news–now you don’t even NOTICE my neck, eye, or face wrinkles. The glow from my neck completely distracts the vision from that.

So in that sense, I suppose, this expensive shit worked. Still WINNING here!

On this note, I am off to the gym…to face the stares and field the questions…I think I will say that I was visited by a demon in the night that tried to strangle me… and that only my SUPERIOR FORCES OF GOODNESS managed to keep me and my family alive.

So there.

Peace people.



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