You Might Be An Asshole If, Episode 4…

In today’s episode of You Might Be An Asshole…we find today’s total douchebag disguised as my (newest) pool service dude. You may remember when I had a previous pool guy come out (Sexist Dude) who asked to speak with my husband…(umm…why??? Because he needed to tell him what was wrong with the pool heater…).

On Monday night I had my dining room window open. This window is directly next to our now infamous pool heater. I walked into the room and smelled gas. We ran outside, turned off the heater, shut the window, and called the gas company. They came out and found a small leak, tagged it and said to call the pool company (again…).

Today pool dude number two showed up. He checked out my heater, had me give him my Windex to use for the gas leak test, and then proceeded to tell me that what I had been smelling was…wait for it…carbon monoxide.

Wait, what??

I said, umm, carbon monoxide is odorless…thus it is called the silent killer…

He all but called me “Sweety” and explained that no, carbon monoxide does indeed have an odor.

I again attempted to say that I was fairly certain that it was in fact odorless, and that exposure to it would cause your cheeks to become cherry red…and before I could continue he cut me off and again explained that carbon monoxide does have an odor and THAT’S what I had been smelling (Sweety).

He fixed (supposedly..) the small leak in my heater…signed the tag from the gas company and left.

I won’t bore you with the call I made to the pool company….just suffice it to say that it was COLORFUL.

And I am considering having t-shirts printed up with my catch phrase “This is fucking bullshit” to wear and shoot out in one of those shirt cannons, should I ever go on tour. Just saying.

You might be an asshole if you are a dumb ass that is supposed to know how to fix a gas leak, and don’t know the first thing about gas.

Idiot.

In the meantime… the window remains closed…and I am going out tomorrow to buy some carbon monoxide detectors.

And maybe some wine. Sigh.

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