Food snob…(or, If I have to dissect it to eat it…I’ll pass…)

“Dead body soup.” That’s what Andrew Zimmern is eating right now, while I watch his show “Bizarre Foods America.” Pretty sure I’m never going to eat anything called that…based on its name and by its odor described by Andrew…pretty sure I’m never going to eat sweetmeats, described on the other food show I watch, “Chopped”…as there is no way you can convince this Midwestern girl that thymus or pancreas or any other freaking gland or organ or body part that I might see in a biology class is actually a tasty treat. NO FREAKING WAY.

Look….I’m semi adventurous. I rappelled down the roof of a hospital once, twenty some years ago…yes, it was a dare from the EMS guys as we were having a big hospital event..I had gotten the Medflight helicopter to arrive and show off for the visitors…the rooftop rappelling was part of a demonstration of a high rise rescue..and, as I was working in the emergency department at that time, and in full macho tough girl form…I would not back down from a dare like this…even though I hate hate hate heights.

I waved bravely to my daughter, sitting on the ground, looking up at me, as I shouted down to her, “No hands, no fear!” or something along these lines…and then I proceeded to have a major anxiety attack as I tried to step backwards off the roof, and towards my imminent death. And tried again to step backwards, towards my death. And again…until the paramedic that had dared me basically had to push me over the edge, where I was lowered, kicking out at the brick wall, three stories down, laughing hysterically, down not to my death, but to the grass, and my survival.

But eating weird shit like, I dunno, sheep brains…just ain’t gonna happen. Nope. Going up on stage for stand up??? Scary as freaking hell. Especially for me, since I suffer from stage fright. Uh yeah, I know, you would think I would pick a different hobby. Whatever.

But eating some freaking fermented insect soaked in lye, on top of a monkey’s tongue…No Freaking Way.

So I guess I would make a terrible spy as I would spill all the government’s secrets under the threat of eating a gall bladder.

And I understand it’s all in what we are accustomed to. If I had been raised eating cockroaches and sparrow claws, well, I’m sure I would love munching on them. But I wasn’t. I was raised on Spam and fried bologna sandwiches. And well, I hate them too.

Which isn’t to say I’m a picky eater–I’m not.

I just can’t eat something I could dissect.

Sigh.

I could be neurotic.

It’s possible/probable.

Whatever.

On that note…if I keep watching this show…with the blood and the juice and the carcass talk…I may be a vegetarian by the next episode.

Gak.

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