And just like that, my day took a left turn…(or, An asshole by any other name is still an asshole.)

I was just out for a walk with my dog. That was it. Just a simple walk. I took the day off from the gym, as I was feeling exhausted…my joints and muscles were hurting…I was just out for a long walk with my crazy dog.

I almost made it home. I almost took a picture of the tree stump with the fungus growing on it, as it looked like a faerie home…but I was on a mission to walk quickly. I dodged the poison ivy growing along the sides of the sidewalk, lest it get on my crazy dog, and then onto me. I made it back to my subdivision, and was near my house…I was almost there, my bladder starting to press on me.

And then it happened. Like it always does. My reality TV show moment of the day. Crap. (or insert your swear word of choice here.) I was just walking along, with my crazy dog…and a guy in a truck waved me down in my sub. Ummm, ok…He needed directions…Ummm, ok…not the first time this has happened in our sub…it does meander a bit…so I approached his truck, cautiously, but figured I was ok, as I had my big, if somewhat crazy dog, and b, I can run fairly quickly and he looked a bit, well, out of shape.

The man started to talk, and ask me about the neighborhood. He was looking for a house for sale in it…he wanted to leave his east side (of Detroit) neighborhood…as the houses were too close together and the neighbors “all had dogs they put out onto chains and let bark all the time.” He asked if this was that kind of neighborhood. Ummm…really???? I replied..no…

He proceeded to tell me that he was a police officer, made sure I saw his badge, and that he carried his gun when he walked his own dog, as he was tired of his neighbor’s letting their dogs get loose and charge him in the street…and then act like it was his fault. He said that I knew the type of people he was talking about…”You know, baseball caps on, with the stickers, wearing them sideways…”

Uh huh.

He proceeded to tell me that he would easily “pop” them if he needed to.

Holy shit.

Oh, but wait–there’s more. It gets better.

He replied that it wasn’t just the blacks and the Mexicans. That many of his neighbors were white and acting like that. And this is why he needed to move away.

He then proceeded to tell me that he had just had two stents put in his heart…that he’d been having chest pain a couple of weeks ago, and it started after sex (at this point, I believe my eyes or ears or both began to bleed…) and went into much detail about the whole event.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

Throughout the conversation, I was playing “Name that Diagnosis” in my head. Because clearly this man had several. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess ADD up front. And who knows what else, as the conversation just jumped all over the place, in a matter of minutes.

And you know, I don’t generally judge you on your diagnoses.

Except when you keep referring to your weapons, and how you’re going to go to another town to purchase 3 more today–because it’s easier to buy them there.

Holy shit.

And this is a police officer.

I’m not in any way suggesting we judge all officers by his behavior. In fact, the house he was pulled up in front of happens to be the home of a friend and also a police officer–and not a complete douche bag. I’ve never once worried about my safety or the safety of my children around him.

But this guy…this guy was a loose cannon. What if my dog got escaped and ran at him–which she does (which makes her an asshole)–and what if my African son ran after my dog and “at” him–would he pull his trigger????

I wish I would have stopped to take a picture of the tree stump with the fungus. Maybe it would have slowed me down…just enough so that I would have missed Mr. Trigger Happy.

I hope he hates the house in our subdivision. I hope he thinks the homes are too close together. I can’t know that he lives here.

I will live in fear then.

I’m going to have to start wearing a camera to record these life events. Because I’m pretty sure nobody I know will have had somebody tell them a bunch of shit like this today..including the sex part.

As for me…I’m back home with my crazy dog, waiting for my neighbors to get home later…so I can go over and say hi…

and just be neighborly.

2 thoughts on “And just like that, my day took a left turn…(or, An asshole by any other name is still an asshole.)

    • I actually advised him to move in a town about 30 minutes away from here…suggested he might be more comfortable there…said they had much larger yards…HINT HINT HINT…and I told him the house we were in front of had a Pit Bull (gasp!)…so…I’m hoping he moved his overly sexed, pistol waving self on to “whiter” pastures…

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