I want to write a bit about shame…our past..and moving on.
I watched the interview last week with Robert Downey Jr and Krishnan Guru-Murthy…and I watched it go from something light hearted to something..something meant to hurt..to illicit pain. I watched Robert Downey Jr’s chest begin to rise, more rapidly, as the questions about his past drug use and his relationship with his father began. I saw his eyes dart to the side, clearly asking for somebody to pull the plug on this–until he did.
I applaud him.
Those of us with shit in our past…at what point do we get to move on from it?? How much do we need to do before the slate is clean?? How many virtual old ladies must we help across the street–how many babies must we rescue from burning buildings–before we are allowed to live in the present, freely? Without somebody bringing up the past?
When do our chains of shame come off?
Listen…We all make mistakes. Some of us…due to our unique chemical brain makeup, make more than others. SORRY. Some of us, due to our unique family units, are not given the tools to necessarily make the right choices at the right time–SORRY. When we do discover the error of our ways, and fight wars to make amends, to right our course… when do we finally ever get to just move on?
Do we ever get to? I’ve read enough self help books about shame to lecture on the subject. I try to own my past as it is a part of me. Battle scars. Warrior wounds. I wouldn’t be me if I hadn’t lived thru all that shit…and learned from it.
But when certain people find out about it…and pull it up…and use it as a weapon against you…that’s not fair. It’s not kind. It’s not cool, man–not cool.
And all the deep breathing techniques, the self calming, the mantras you have in your self help arsenal…well, you have to really remember where they are. Because your first instinct is to run. like. hell.
The lovely rainbow and unicorn people of the world will never understand people like us…people that have had to fight wars to be where we are today. But they don’t have the right to use our mistakes, our background, our pain as weapons against us.
And…what they don’t realize…is that when they do…it may stun us for a second…
But we come back. Stronger.
We have fought worse. We know what real pain is.
And we move on. And we are ok.