It’s April 22..and I looked out my kitchen window this morning and saw snow. I freaking really, really hate snow. And I freaking really, really hate that white fluffy stuff at the end of April. April is the month that flowers are beginning to bloom, leaves are beginning to bud (well sort of–again, I live in the Mitten State). I am not a winter girl. I do not enjoy frigid weather from the end of October until the end of April. I am grumpy kitty to your winter wonderland. Screw you and your snowflakes.
However. I hate arachnids more.
And, I realize that were I ever to move to a more temperate clime…that the creepy, eight legged freaks get ever bigger, with each state line crossed. The sight of a large spider can make my legs weak, cause me to run and search for the nearest flame thrower, atomic bomb-anything to destroy it before it scurries in my direction. I am well aware that spiders, unlike other creatures, are attracted to movement. FREAKS. So, instead of running away from me, they will run toward me, sink their fangs into me, and then spin a web around my body, hiding me from sight.
Ok, that last bit might be a gross exaggeration, helped by those damn giant spider movies we watched as kids–you remember them–filmed in black and white, giant mutant spiders, eating people??? Scarred me for freaking life.
So I live in Michigan, where we do have our fair share of arachnids. But nothing that will kill you. Or that is as big as your hand. Or face. Or has a tail with a pointy bit on the end of it, like a scorpion, which is terrifying to me. But it gets bloody cold here.
You can see my dilemma. Warmth, palm trees, and the beach…and giant killer bugs…or snow, sleet, freezing rain for half the year…but no spiders big enough to ride.
Yet. Factoring in global warming…(let me do the math….insert science noise here…)
Guess I better get busy buying that flame thrower.